Hidden Resistance: When The Enemy Is You

I have to share  a very weird experience I had this week.  For the past week, I have been making big strides in my life and business: boiling tasks down to systems, powerhousing through my priorities and making big, big plans.  This last week I made a big decision to focus on my three sites and launch a fourth to launch a new social media consulting business. I picked up my very first client and I was feeling like a champ.

I am one to admit you can’t spin all your plates at once- for a time, when you are getting your business in order you may not be able to juggle as much responsibility in your personal life or you may have to put your hobbies on the back burner for a time.  If you’re on the right track,  making sacrifices on Friday nights to make the dream a reality isn’t so bad- it actually feels good to shift your priorities and focus on the big picture, even if it means having success in one arena means you cannot put your attention on other tasks or other life goals.

Eventually, I’d really love to find a decent fella to build a life with.  I am looking for a dynamic dude to essentially be the Mentos to my Diet Coke, his genius complementing my crazy, fun, passionate ideas.  I realize though, that to find Mr. Awesome I’m going to have to dedicate a significant chunk of my mind power to the task, a feat I don’t feel I have the energy for to do the search justice, soI’ve actually been happy to put my love life on the back burner for a time and focus on the giddy-making task of starting my own business.

I’ve been gleeful about my life- the new business name is adorable.  My friends are as excited as I am, and I am thrilled about picking up clients.  Cloud 9.5, at least.

Well, that is until I lay my little head down to rest last night and I have the most bizarro dream ever.  The dream left me feeling unnerved, insecure and totally regretful.   Insecure and regretful of what you ask?  Of the very same love-life choices that I just mentioned being totally a-otay aboot.  WTF.

Needless to say, in the dream- I’m talking to a childhood friend who tells me she’s getting married, and her fianceé is none other than my real-life ex-boyfriend who I haven’t even spoken to for a year and a half.  (Note: The relationship ended abruptly and it was a really crap-tastic end).  They both beg me to attend their wedding and above that they ask me to be happy about it.  In the dream, I’m at the wedding and all of his family are judging me…so I overcompensate by helping set up the ceremony & helping the bride get ready with a tacked on smile on my face.  I go to change into my formal attire for the ceremony, only to realize that my gorgeous brocade gold and cream dress has been stolen!  

Okay, so you didn’t need to know the details, but I figured I should share so you can know how disturbing it was to me.  To anyone BUT me, it seem silly- but I have to tell you it nearly derailed my whole day, leaving me in a funk of a mood and totally second guessing myself.

Not only did this old relationship suddenly come to the surface of my attention and distract from my super-thrilling business goals, but it had nothing to do with the person I’d become.  I share this stupid dream with you to illustrate that sometimes, when you make the most progress, your biggest roadblock will be your own subconscious.

Of course- enemies lie in the bushes. Your friends might be secretly jealous that you’ve found your calling, or your current coworkers might start talking smack when they catch wind you’re moving on, but really- you will be knocked on your ass when you own buried insecurities, long dead regrets and old habits come roaring to the surface.

 

If you’re making huge progress in your business or personal life, do not be surprised if something you thought was long resolved comes bubbling to the surface when you sleep or when you aren’t paying attention. 

Dreams Quote

Trust me, nobody needs to know about my stupid-ass and equally as random dream about some ex I don’t even talk to anymore, but I will shine light on the seeming stupidity of my subconscious to illuminate the point for you:  The resistance isn’t outside.  The biggest resistance lies within.   When you start rocking your real life dreams, the sleepy-time ones will try and drag you back.  Sometimes your subconscious is not on board with the rapid changes of the conscious.  Be brave kids.   

It may that you’re turning into the rockstar you knew you could be in your business and you start backsliding on your diet.  You could finally find that kick-ass partner that makes your heart skip a beat and yep, the wrong name slips (instant-death to you!) or you could knowingly avoid facing basic tasks like paying your taxes, hiring staff or delegating tasks as an act of self-sabotage.  Be. Aware.

 

 

 

2 Comments
  1. March 13, 2012
    • March 14, 2012

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